Overheard | 10

Driving home from the grocery store on a weekend afternoon, angry because they know nap comes after lunch,

Me: What do you want for lunch?

Emma: NOTHING.

Madden: Yeah, because we don’t like nothing. We don’t like taking naps and we don’t like eating something!

+

Me: Here, Madden. You can wear these shorts.

Madden: Mom. I don’t want to wear those shorts.

Me: Why not?

Madden: Because they might be booby-trapped.

+

Madden: Mom. I wish we could put our roof in the middle of our house so it could be like a barn.

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Fighting in the car while on the way home from daycare one afternoon; Emma brings up her Baby Alive dollΒ AGAIN,

Madden: UGH. EMMA. STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR BABY ALIVE DOLL!

Emma takes offense at this point,

Emma: Well you’re going to go to the doctor and you’re going to get a poke-y shot on your eyeball and your nose and your ear and your head AND YOUR PRIVATES. That’s what’s gonna happen.

Madden: Well if you put fire on yourself, you will melt!

+

After finishing his meal before me,

Madden: I already beat you!

Me: Oh man. You’re fast!

Madden: Yeah! I beat you because I’m faster than you. Because I was running like exercise like this (mimics running), with knives. And I’m faster than you because you’re 29 and I’m 4 years old.

Me: Touche.

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Emma: Mom, why do you never shop at Walmart?

Me: Um. Well. Because I don’t agree with their ethical practices.

Emma: But I LOVE Walmart.

Me: Well they treat people badly. And Daddy works for Target anyway. Sooooo…

+

When told to choose a movie together to watch and Emma tries so hard to talk Madden into her choice,

Emma: You’re gonna LOVE it, Madden. But you’ve never seen it before so you might not like it just a little bit but it’s going to be awesome.

+

Waiting behind an idiot driver who isn’t turning right even though no one is coming,

Madden: We’re gonna turn right?

Me: Yeah. As soon as this fuckface goes.

Madden: You mean as soon as the traffic is done.

Me: Yes. Same thing.

+

Eats one bite of his pancake,

Madden: Mom. I have the hiccups because I ate too much.

(He didn’t have the hiccups.)

+

Angry at me and in the back seat with my water bottle,

Madden: You are NOT my best friend anymore.

Me: LIAR.

Madden: Why do you call me a liar? Huh? FINE! You can do that but then I’ll steal all the water from your water bottle.

Things making me happy this week | 62

BIRTHDAY BEACH WEEK(END) IS OFFICIALLY UNDERWAY! By the time this posts, we’ll have been on the road for about 2 hours already…if all goes according to plan! Also, I guess, kind of, my birthday. It’s today. I’m 30. Blah. Not stoked about that, but ain’t nuthins I can do about it either so…yay for the…

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Big “life” news

Well. Here I am, a day before my 30th birthday and…officially reenlisted into the Army Reserve for another three years. Wait, what? I know, I know. Back in March (April?) I got ETS orders, which would’ve seen me quietly transition out of the service next Friday, June 3rd. I was stoked. Freedom at last! But…

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Help us plan our 3rd anniversary! (?)

Our three-year anniversary is a little less than two months away and so far we have NOTHING planned for it. For our first anniversary we booked a room in Arlington, Virginia, which is so close to D.C. you can literally walk across the bridge and into the city – and we did (we also ran…

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#documentyourfitness

It’s no secret I love working outΒ and memory keeping, and it’s no secret that I love combining the two, and after hosting my “Getting Fit” challenge on Studio Calico for National Scrapbooking Day 2016, I’m pretty sure it’s not a secret that I want all of you guys to join along. So. I’ve “created” a…

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