‘ey yo.

Kelsey, Esp. blog

That’s me ↑… obvs. I live in Washington, D.C.-ish with my three kids, but after we win the lottery we’re moving to the beach. Which one? The one that’s warm and has sand and is by the water. Mark. My. Words.

I say “fuck” a lot and I have a low (see also: no) tolerance for bullshit, which some people love and some people don’t love. I guess that makes me controversial. So does the fact that once upon a time I married a boy but am now dating a girl that will one day be my once upon a time…again for realsies. Because YOLO. (Also, we all live together in one house which isn’t as weird as you might think. Stick around. You’ll read all about it.)

I’m not really a people person, which makes my degree in psychology and my obsession with blogging ironic. And being ironic makes me cool. So does having tattoos and the ability to braid your own hair. Unfortunately for me I only have one of those things, which means I’m not as cool as I pretend to be. Damn.

I use this space to store my attempts at taking good photos, and copious amounts of word vomit. I mostly stick to photographing my kids, and to writing about the funny shit they say [the girls] and [the boy], Project Life, pretending to be a grown-up, being broke as fuck, and my attempts at DIY-ing a rental house into a home.

The amount of free time I have is basically none, but whenever there’s a glitch in the matrix and I’m not busy mothering or girlfriending or working or CrossFitting or ex-wife-ing or studying, I fill my time with super random (see also: not-at-all exciting) things, like watching way too much Discovery ID and contemplating how birds always seem to make it out alive even though they never move until the last fucking second. If we ever met in real life and tried to be friends, it wouldn’t work out unless you shared my not-so-secret love for cheesy crime drama TV and my propensity for asking the tough questions in life. Or unless you brought me cupcakes. Bitches love cupcakes.

My talents include overcommitting and obsessing over everything that’s out of my price range, and my hobbies include generally not giving a fuck and spending more money than I should. I’m a match made with myself in heaven.

Things I can’t get enough of: a good book, fresh fruit, fresh flowers, pancakes for dinner, otter pops, stripes, summer, funfetti cupcakes and pink.

Things I can’t get the hang of: Nutella, coffee, musicals, Taylor Swift + Beyoncé (#sorrynotsorry), vacuuming the stairs, ironing and minding my own business.

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If you want to read more random facts about yours truly you can browse this undoubtedly outdated list of 100 things about me, this fascinating (it’s opposite day) post, or this fun series called 5 Random [insert new topic here] Things About Me.

If that doesn’t do it for you, check me out on Instagram or Pinterest.

And if you want to keep reading after today but you’re notoriously unreliable at things like follow-through, sign up to receive new posts in your email via Bloglovin’. Don’t be lazy. Being lazy is basic. And no one likes a basic bitch.